This morning I woke up and didn't want to get out of bed. Some days I feel like that. I'm learning, slowly, to be okay with it and lean into days like this. I have "move slowly" tattooed on my wrist, but I never really get to move slowly. So today, I am. And when I made that decision as I was making coffee, I came across this Virginia Woolf quote that spoke so clearly to me,
I put so much pressure on myself to be sparkly all the time. Always on. Always smiling. But that's not sustainable, and I'm exhausted. I'm an over-tapped source of energy for others and haven't been able to find a renewal source for myself. Of course, the only place that can come from is within. I'll get there.
Almost a week into my journey to the island, and I haven't answered any questions I was looking to answer. I know I need to make positive changes in my life path, but I am working hard to discern between positive change and running away. I've experienced both many times, and the latter is not something I'm interested in at this point in my life. I don't want to run.
Life ebbs and flows, and that's the beauty of it. The challenge is to flow with it, rather than fight it. When I started my job two years ago I was in such a place of transition in my life, and it was scary and exciting at the same time. But the thing about it is that it was EVERYTHING all at once. And I dove right in without hesitation. That's the way I do things. But, in that world, it's easy to lose yourself, and it's really easy to hide. I don't want to hide.
Being away from the chaos of my workplace is so good for the soul, and though it's a challenge for me I'm working to find comfort in the stillness. It's easier than I thought it would be to disconnect and ignore the noise. When you really know your value and understand where you fit into a bigger picture without fear of the outcome, anything is possible. That's how I feel right now. Unafraid. Not overconfident at all, just more at ease than I've ever been...because if there's one important lesson I've learned through the years, it's that things always work out.
Maybe the universe will deliver answers to me in the sound of the wind blowing through the palm, the shape of the clouds floating above, the feeling of the sand between my toes, a conversation with a stranger at the coffee shop, a song playing on the radio as I drive through the Hawaiian countryside. Or maybe it won't. Either way, I'll be ok.
You shine brightly enough...today, there's no need to sparkle. There's more than enough sparkle surrounding you at this very moment. The sunshine. The ocean. The island spirit. Soak it all in.