I spend a lot of time driving. In the last 2 months alone, I've logged 10,000 km on ol' Trixi BM, the Audi Q5. As you can imagine, a lot of time driving solo means a lot of time for reflection. One of my passions in life is noticing things. I'd like to think I have a unique gift for it, too. I value this time in the car, as I'm able to witness some sights - from mountain-top castles in small villages to Germans dressed up in costume for the Fasching. I feel pretty lucky. I've also spent a lot of time marveling over the concept of light - both inner and outer light - as I drive throughout Europe. It's pretty fascinating, as I've noticed how temperamental Mother Nature can be in the mountains, and how quickly light can transition from bright to menacing. What I've realized, also, is that the same notion applies to inner light in our souls.
Allow me to digress for a few moments. Life on the road can be extremely lonely. Every weekend as acts on the White Circus, we travel from one venue to the next. Each event is equally exciting. Big. We think we're at the center of the Universe. And then, just as fast as the excitement came...it goes. And we pack up all of our gear and bring our circus tricks to the next venue. It's wonderful and exciting, but the truth is...we're not the center of the universe. And, life on the road - as glamorous as it may seem - is often quite lonely. We talk about things like how incredible that recovery was and how crazy that crash was, and how sad it is that so-and-so athlete is out for the season with an injury. Mostly, we talk about skiing, again, like it's the center of the universe. Don't get me wrong, I love this sport with a passion. And, truthfully, it is the center of our universe for 6-8 months. But it's not all glitz and glam. It can be tough. But just when I'm having an off day the sparkle of the snow dancing in the sunlight or the lifting of fog to reveal a mountaintop can turn it around.
So on my journeys from point A to point B, I spend time thinking about things like light - both external and internal. It's amazing the way light can affect an environment...external and internal light alike. When I'm driving through Europe and I see the light spill through the clouds and down onto the mountains, casting this beautiful, eery glow unlike anything I've ever seen before. It's ethereal. But weather can be fickle, changing in the matter of minutes. One moment it's bright and shining, and the next moment the clouds come rolling in to reveal a darker, gloomy and morose picture. Sounds a little like the energy we bring into a room and the light that we carry with us...it can change too, depending on outside forces. The challenge for us, I think, is to ensure that we keep that internal flame burning so it will emanate and always be sparkly and authentically shining outwardly, showering everyone around us with good vibes. That's the challenge for me, anyway...to create a force field of light that's so impenetrable that nothing on the outside can pierce it. That's happiness. Sometimes, it's a struggle. I'm not always happy, but I'll try my best to create and share joy. Remember, that happiness is not only for self, but happiness for others around you. You never know whose day you might change with a smile, encouraging words, or a kind gesture.
The other day as I was thinking about light, one of my favorite Of Monsters and Men songs started playing, and I realized I had never actually listened to the words of the song. But on that day, I listened...
What does that mean?! I don't really know. But I'd like to think it means that the path I'm on - though imperfect and a sometimes uncomfortable path - is the right path. And, once again, to trust that what is meant to be will be. My healer's poignant words of this summer come to mind...I am at peace with what was, I am at peace with what is, and I am at peace with what is to be.
Shine on, restless souls...shine bright! You never know what kind of darkness you might be able to brighten.