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I am in love again.

Musings

I am in love again.

Megan Harrod

Dear Mom and Dad, 

I know in the last year you were probably worried I'd never find love again, but I can say with my whole heart and 110% certainty that I am in love again. How do I know?! I'm happier than I've ever been in my 32 years of life. In quiet moments sitting in a cafe enjoying espresso, I am okay. Okay with the silence...okay with sitting with myself and my thoughts...okay with being lonely every once in a while. This kind of love does not make me anxious. True love shouldn't. Gone are the panic attacks...fleeting are the moments of helplessness where my breath could not be controlled and my mind was racing my heart, both over-working and underpaid. But no...now, I can feel it. I'm at ease. I am calm. I am aware. I am in love again. 

It was, in a sense, love at first sight. In the morning when I walk outside into the sunshine and gaze at the mountains, I can feel it. I can feel it penetrating my soul and enveloping my body. In fact, consuming my mind. In the best way possible. I used to fear going home. Going back to reality. A reality I had created for myself that was not my own, but rather shared. I always found a home in wherever I was on the road, not wanting to return to my physical home. But now, every cell of my body wants to come back, because I am in love again. 

Who is the object of my affection? Okay, here goes. Are you ready for this?! (breathing increases) I am in love with the new life I've been gifted by The Universe, God...the new life I've created for myself. And, I love myself. Wholly. You can't imagine how freeing this is. Through strength, I've found freedom. I love my new home. The mountains. The sunshine. Nature. And, most of all, the community. I love my job. Because it's not really a job at all. The people are my people. My tribe. Mom and dad, don't you worry about me - I've found love again. 

Thank you for supporting me and loving me when I didn't love myself. That's what parents are for, I know, but you could have easily taken a different route. Thank you for believing in me, attempting to understand me, and pouring your love into me every step of the way. Thank you for reminding me I am strong. And that I am enough. I have never been more viscerally enthusiastic to return home in my life. I adored traveling around India solo, but the time on the road made me realize how much I am in love. I'm ready to go home. To the mountains. To the sunshine. To the nature. To my community. To me. 

What a grand place to be, isn't it?! The grandest of 'em all.

Love, 

Your #1 Daughter